


Alien Pimple Creams Should Have Better Warning Labels

by sapphire_child



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-09
Updated: 2009-01-09
Packaged: 2019-01-27 23:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12592828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphire_child/pseuds/sapphire_child
Summary: Rose’s first treatment in the TARDIS’ medical bay is not a matter of life and death but rather one of great indignity borne from mysterious rashes created by allergies to alien pimple creams that they had to save a world to acquire. UTTER FLUFFY MADNESS.





	Alien Pimple Creams Should Have Better Warning Labels

“Well good morning,” the Doctor said cheerfully as Rose came into the control room, ruffled from sleep. “Got your eight hours did you? Feeling refreshed?”

“Not really,” Rose grumbled.

The Doctor ignored her tone – she was usually groggy when she first woke up. It wouldn’t take long for her to be back to her usual, cheerful self. “So!” he said, eager to be on the move again. “Where we goin’ next then? I was thinkin’...”

“Nowhere,” Rose said, collapsing onto the jump seat moodily. “No place, no time.”

The Doctor was momentarily flummoxed. “Not even to...Catalangasingum?” he tried, peering around the time rotor at her. “The sky’s purple there. An’ they got flowers with petals big enough you can use ’em for pillows.”  
  
“Can’t,” Rose said miserably. “I can’t go outside today.”

The Doctor paused, not really liking where this conversation was headed. Not that he really knew where it was headed but still.

“Why’s that?” he asked warily.  
  
Rose sat and pouted for a moment and the Doctor waited very patiently (one Mississippi, two Mississippi...oh bugger this. Just _tell_ me why don’t you?) until Rose finally told him what was wrong.

“I’ve got a _spot_.”

The Doctor only refrained from rolling his eyes at her with great difficulty (and by diverting his attention to a knob on the console that had been particularly sticky lately). “A spot? Oh what a travesty!” Rose scowled at him and he shook his head at her. “Well I can’t see it from here so it can’t be that bad. Now come on – where d’you wanna go?”

“S’too dark in here,” Rose said mutinously, not playing the game at all properly. “An’ you’re too far away. If you were lookin’ at me properly...”

“Oh _fine_. Lemme see it then,” the Doctor strode around the console to the jump seat, took her face in his hands and tilted it towards the light. “Oh,” he said after a moment. “I see what you mean.”

“S’horrible,” Rose wailed as the Doctor gently palpated the skin around it to get a better look. Underneath the caked on make up that Rose had unsuccessfully used to try and disguise it, the offending pustule looked painfully infected. The surrounding skin had swelled up around a core that was easily the size of a pea and it also appeared to be throbbing slightly. “It’s the worst one I’ve ever had!”

“Probably from all those lollies you had on Trix this,” the Doctor said thoughtfully, still inspecting the spot with some fascination. Vaguely he began to reach for his sonic screwdriver, wondering if he could convince Rose to stay still enough to... “They’ve got the highest sugar content in the universe.”

“Thanks for warning me,” Rose said sourly. “I wouldn’t’ve eaten that fairy floss stuff they...hold on a minute – what you doin’?”

“Hold still for me would you?” he requested, lips pressed tightly together as he went to buzz her.

“You are _not_ sonic screwdrivering my spot!” Rose yelped as she flapped him away. “What if you...I dunno, burn me with it or something?”

“It can’t burn you,” he said with some surprise. “It’s not on the right setting!”  
  
But Rose had already leapt down from the jump seat and was now circling the console backwards, pointing a warning finger at him. “You are not going near my face with that thing!”

 

When she was at what she had deemed a safe distance away, Rose planted herself very firmly on the grating and the Doctor huffed irritably.

“Oh go on,” he crossed his arms. “It’s not dangerous or anything. It’s got settings for everything!”

“Even gettin’ rid of pimples?” Rose was still suspicious.

“Not exactly nice no,” the Doctor grumbled. “But it could’ve worked. If you weren’t actin’ like such a baby about it...”

“Oi,” Rose said indignantly, hand flying up to cover the offending spot. “I’ve got a pimple the size of Sweden on my face and it bloody hurts!”

She sounded upset now, like she was going to start crying on him and he truly, truly hated it when she cried.

“You tried squeezin’ it?”

Rose looked at him like he was completely thick. “It hurts even when I’m not touchin’ it. What d’you think Doctor?”

“I think we need to go for a trip,” he announced reaching over to begin adjusting knobs and levers.

“I don’t want to go on a trip,” Rose grumbled, back to pouting again as she slouched back to the jump seat and collapsed onto it with a level of melodrama that was completely unnecessary.

“Not even to the planet that has the best acne cure in the whole universe?” the Doctor grinned at her before taking off the brake. Rose stared at him, open mouthed in disbelief but as the time rotor began to undulate, she had to shut her mouth and concentrate on holding onto the jump seat lest she fall off.  
  
When they finally landed with a faint bump she clambered down and came over to the Doctor.

“You’re kiddin’?” she said. “Tell me that you’re kiddin’. You’re pulling my leg aren’t you?”  
  
“Nope,” the Doctor said cheerfully, taking her by the hand and leading her to the door. “Come on. We’ll just pop into the nearest Artraxian chemist and pick up a tube of their famous acne cream and you’ll be right as rain. Nothin’ to worry...”  
  
The door swung open to reveal a maelstrom of colour.  
  
“...Ah.” he said after a moment. “This could be...problematic.”  
  
“They’re...” Rose stared open mouthed at the throng of squid-like aliens who were jetting about in mid air, tentacles twirling in intricate patterns. “They look like they’re dancin’ with each other!”  
  
“Yeah,” the Doctor said in a strained voice.

“Oh they’re so pretty!” Rose said, delighted as she began to realise that each of the creatures was emitting a changing vista of soft colours. “They’re like...glow worms or somethin’. Only they’re like squid an’ they can fly. What are they Doctor?” she turned appealingly to him.

“They’re called Artraxians,” the Doctor explained stiffly. “And they’re not exactly...dancin’.”

“Well...what are they doin’ then?” Rose wanted to know, honestly curious.

The Doctor glanced down at her and then cut his gaze away sharply. “We’ve just landed in the middle of mating season.”

The two of them stood in the doorway of the TARDIS for a while, still awkwardly holding hands, just watching the Artraxians frolic together, glowing excitedly with all the colours of the rainbow.

“Oh,” Rose said finally in a somewhat strangled voice. “Right...”

~*~

  
The Artraxian city, Rose soon discovered, was grown not built, much like the TARDIS. It was set out with wide streets lined with high honeycombed walls – dwellings – made of the strange waxy material that everything seemed to be made out of here.

She also discovered that she and the Doctor weren’t the only ones who’d come to Artraxia at the wrong time. Everywhere they went there were gaggles of open mouthed spectators from all over the universe. Unfortunately, not all of them were completely innocent.

“Bloody perverts,” the Doctor grunted as they passed a group of blue furred creatures not unlike monkeys. They were whooping and hollering excitedly as they watched a pair of lone Artraxians joyously circling each other, tentacles entangling delicately. “Come from all over the universe to gawk. An’ with the Artraxians being on heat an’ all they’ve got no idea they’re bein’ watched.” He shook his head in disgust.

Rose followed beside him silently, still watching the frolicking Artraxians with some interest even as she fingered the spot on her chin.

“I think s’getting bigger,” she said morosely. “An’ it’s really sore.”

“Well don’t poke at it then!” the Doctor chided. “Blimey you humans have low pain thresholds!”

“Well s’not my fault you landed us here at the wrong time!” Rose bit back. “We did come here specially to get something for my spot.”

Grumbling, the Doctor slumped against the nearest wall and slid into a sitting position. Grudgingly, Rose did the same, taking his hand from where it lay limp against the floor.

“We’ll just have to wait till they’re...done,” the Doctor said, absently twining his fingers with hers as he spoke. “Then we can get what we need an’ go.”

“How long?”  
  
“Another six hours or so.”  
  
Rose’s eyes popped in disbelief. “This lot need to shag for _six hours_ just to make sure their species carries on?”

The Doctor barked out a laugh which he promptly choked on when Rose glanced sharply at him.

“You sound surprised,” he tried to stop himself from grinning and failed dismally – the lure of teasing Rose was too great. “I shoulda taken you to Fisz. The natives there can spend _days_...”

“Eugh – I don’t think I want to know,” Rose interrupted, looking faintly nauseated at the thought. “Squid people that can go for six hours are one thing but I don’t need an education on the courtin’ rituals of every species in the galaxy thanks.”

The Doctor’s mouth quirked. “Actually Fisz is the next galaxy over.”

“Oh shut up.” Rose grumbled and pillowed her head against his shoulder. “Do we really have to wait six hours?”  
  
“Blink of an eye,” the Doctor assured her. “Why don’t you go on and take a nap to help pass the time?”

“But we’ve got a _time machine_ ,” Rose muttered.

“Which is currently a good half hours walk away from us,” the Doctor reminded her. “And you’re that cranky...”

“I am _not_...”

“Are too,” he countered. “Not shut up and stop arguin’ for once.”

Rose huffed but shut her eyes anyway. She hadn’t slept particularly well and as a consequence of that and her discovery of the spot from hell this morning she was feeling decidedly grumpy. Maybe a nap would do her good.

No sooner had she settled herself down to rest however, there was the unmistakable sound of someone (or something) screaming from close by.

“Fantastic!” the Doctor said, sounding inordinately pleased and before Rose had quite figured out whether or not she’d managed to fall asleep at all he was hauling her to her feet and they were running.

~*~

  
It turned out that the blue furred creatures were called D’uiplyt and the group they had passed earlier had gotten a bit too overexcited in their observation of the Artraxians and begun wreaking havoc in the more crowded parts of the city, pulling Artraxians away from their mating dance and breaking apart dwellings with a crazed sort of determination.

In true Doctor fashion, he spent several hours unsuccessfully chasing the offending aliens around the city before finally capturing them using a clever trap that Rose had to think up because he was too busy getting stroppy with the fact that a bunch of furry blue mammals were outsmarting him at every turn. From there he very successfully scared the bejesus out of them and sent them off with a warning to never come back to Artraxia again if they wanted to keep their reproductive organs intact.

“How come we can’t even go somewhere an’ get pimple cream without gettin’ caught up in some sor’ of trouble?” Rose grumbled as they made their slowly way back towards the TARDIS – the Artraxians mating spell was nearly over and some of them were already methodically mending the damage that had been done by the interlopers to their city. “ _Honestly_. You reckon I’m a trouble magnet...”

The Doctor shrugged “I’ve just got good timing s’all. You were brilliant by the way,” he added and Rose softened considerably. “Never would’ve caught them without that trap of yours.”

Rose grinned, tongue between her teeth. “Not bad for a human?”

“Not bad for anybody,” the Doctor teased her right back and then drew them up short in front of yet another bank of honeycombed lodgings. “And we have a chemist! As promised.”

Rose peered at the wall but was unable to distinguish anything that might have tipped him off that this was a chemist and not a bank of houses. Giving up on deciphering the mysteries of this particular species she looked up at the Doctor questioningly and he reached out and caught her hand in his with a grin.

“Come on then,” he said. “Let’s get this stuff and get out of here.”

The cream came in a small tube and it appeared to be free as the Doctor exchanged neither items nor currency for it. Their objective acquired they walked back to the TARDIS hand in hand, watching as the final Artraxians came out of their dance and jetted off to their usual daily activities.

“They only go on heat twice a year,” the Doctor explained as they walked. “Three months down the track they release their eggs – you should see this place when they’re waitin’ to hatch out,” he gave a rare smile, eyes soft with delight. “All different colours – thousands of ’em floatin’ around. S’beautiful.”

“Maybe we can come back?” Rose suggested and he shrugged as he went to open the door of the TARDIS.

“Maybe,” they clattered up the ramp and into the TARDIS. “You need a hand puttin’ that cream on?”

“What?” Rose asked distractedly then gave an ‘oh’ of comprehension as she pulled the small tube out of her pocket. “No I’ll do it. Don’t trust you not to start trying to sonic my face.” She grinned at him and he grinned back easily as she clattered across the grating to the doorway.

“I’ll be back in a minute!” she called over her shoulder. “Think of somewhere for us to go next yeah?”

“Don’t use too much,” the Doctor warned her but she’d already disappeared into the corridor.

Five minutes later they were hovering in the Time Vortex, the Doctor had picked a destination and he was just starting to get bored of waiting for Rose when he heard an almighty scream that could only belong to one person. On his feet and running instantly, he flew into the corridor and after desperately checking the closest doors he found Rose in a small wash room, staring at her reflection, aghast.

Because it was the closest room to the console that had a mirror and a basin, Rose had long since taken over the bench space with a rather dizzying array of cosmetics and lotions. Every time his hands got greasy from working under the console he’d been forced to dodge all of her bottles of...stuff as well as washing the grease off the taps afterwards so she wouldn’t tell him off for mucking up the place.

He got the feeling however that leaving accidental grease stains on the mirror were the least of his issues at the moment. One look at her reflection and his jaw actually dropped open in surprise.

“Rose?” he said tentatively and she turned on him with a look so fierce that he actually took a step back. Never mind the Oncoming Storm – she looked like she was about ready to shoot lightning bolts out of her eyes at him. Or at least throttle him to death.

“WHAT IS THIS?!” she demanded, pointing at a lumpy, purplish rash that had begun to spread across her face and down onto her neck.

“Ah...” the Doctor considered it for a moment and then tentatively held out his sonic screwdriver. “If I could just...”

Rose knocked it out of his hand and he eyed her warily. He’d seen her angry before but never before had she been this furious with him.

“Allergic reaction?” he suggested after a moment.

“Allergic reaction,” she repeated, somewhat hysterically. “The cream gave me an allergic reaction?”

Silence.

“Well can you fix it or not?” Rose demanded, shoving his arm to try and accentuate her point. The Doctor ducked her hands, worried that she might start slapping him next.

“Ah-yes? We’ll need to go to the medical bay though.”

Rose crossed her arms. “An’ where’s that?”

“Usually two doors down,” the Doctor supplied and Rose snatched up the tube of cream, shoved it on his person and then stomped out the door grumbling loudly about stupid alien creams that didn’t have proper warning labels on them.

He followed after only a moment, surreptitiously retrieving his sonic from where she’d knocked it to the floor and doing his best not to smile lest she turn around and catch him. By the time she’d settled herself in the medical bay he had his best serious face on again.

“Did it get rid of your pimple at least?”

Rose scowled as best she could with her face so swollen. “Yeah,” she said grudgingly as he deftly cleaned the remaining cream from her skin. “All the stuff from inside it just sor’ of...melted away.”

“Told you,” he said. “Get’s rid of blackheads too. Best acne cure in the universe.”

“Apart from the bit where it made me come out in a rash,” Rose said sourly, eyeing him suspiciously as he cleaned the cloth he was using and began to wipe the rest of her make up off. “What’re you doin’? I’m going to have to re-do my whole face now.”

“Jus’ makes it easier,” he grunted vaguely. “Shut your eyes.”

She did so with a sigh and he took great care in cleansing the rest of her skin, his touch becoming even more careful when he began to work around the delicate contours of her eyes. The truth was that it didn’t make it any easier – he just liked how she looked without all her make up on.

Not that he was going to tell her that.

Leaving Rose swinging her legs impatiently, he rummaged through his various salves and ointments until he found what he was looking for. “Aha!” Rose opened her eyes and looked nothing short of apprehensive when he returned to her with a small jar.

“What is it?” she asked warily.

“Don’t worry. There’s no way you can be allergic to it,” the Doctor dipped a finger into it and waved it at her. “Hypo allergenic this. Promise.”

Rose eyed the jar suspiciously for a moment more before sighing in defeat and allowing him to smear it onto her skin. The ointment was surprisingly light and it felt heavenly against her inflamed skin, cool and smooth.

“This stuff feels nice,” Rose said, eyes widening as it started to work properly. “Ooh...it’s makin’ my skin tingle.”

The Doctor smiled indulgently as he spread more ointment down onto her neck and then moved back up to double check that he hadn’t missed any spots, his fingers lingering on her cheekbone for perhaps a moment longer than necessary before he wiped his fingers clean and replaced the jar to its rightful place.

Within minutes the swelling had abated and when Rose looked into the small hand held mirror the Doctor offered her, the rash had all but disappeared as well.

“This stuff’s great,” she said, touching her face carefully as the Doctor came to sit beside her. She looked flushed and clean scrubbed and beautiful, lips parted slightly in concentration as she studied her reflection. Even sitting next to her, the Doctor could only just make out the pores in her skin and the tiny blemishes and imperfections. “My skin’s not even sticky.”

“Soaks in quick,” the Doctor explained, caught up in cataloguing the delicate pink shell of her ear with his eyes. “Clever stuff eh?”

Rose admired her newly clear skin a moment longer and then turned to grin at him. “Thanks,” she said, dropping an unexpected kiss on his cheek before jumping back down onto the grating. “Sorry I was such a cow before.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “You’re nineteen,” he said by way of explanation and Rose’s grin grew wider, tongue poking out from between her teeth in her characteristic way.

“M’gonna go put my make up back on again. Meet you in the console room!”

He nearly groaned in exasperation as she bounced out of the room, clattering through the TARDIS’ corridors with enough noise to wake the dead. The Doctor listened to her go and couldn’t stop from grimacing when he heard the distant sound of her make up bottles clattering together. Sighing, he arched his back and took the opportunity to stretch some muscles. He startled when he felt a sudden (and rather disgruntled) telepathic nudge from his ship and when he realised what she was fussing about he rolled his eyes good naturedly at the ceiling.

“Oh shush,” he muttered as he pushed himself back onto his feet. “Not my fault she was allergic was it? Least her first time in here wasn’t for somethin’ worse than pimple cream.”

And from the grudging rumble he received in return, he knew that the TARDIS agreed with him.


End file.
